Frankly, My Dear, I Don’t Give A Damn!!!
In 2005 I woke up one morning and began to do my normal daily activities in preparation for work. As I was looking in the mirror while washing my face, I realized that I did not recognize the woman who was staring back at me. Physically I was recognizable, but there was something about my aura that caused me to question exactly who the woman was staring back at me. That moment of self-realization caused me to do some extreme soul searching. At that particular time in life I was living in my hometown in Virginia, and working a job that I felt was not a good fit for my career path and personality. I went to work that morning as I normally would, sat at my desk and proceeded to answer inbound calls for a then well-known wireless company, that has since been acquired by a larger company. I received a call with a very irate and disrespectful customer on the opposite end. In order for me to not stress out and to be able to get through the call, I used my mute button (which were not allowed) to verbally express myself while on this call. Where my commentary was comical to those around me, my ear hustling manager who was not amused while listening in on my call. He was thrown aback at the fact that my commentary was not being recorded. It was soon after the resolved call was ended that he called me into his office. My manager then proceeded to lecture me about having a mute button, and informed me of the disciplinary action that would be taken. I exited his office, packed my desk, and resigned on the spot. Walked out of there with my dignity, and did not turn back.
I did not know the epiphany that I had earlier that morning would impact my work day. When I looked into the mirror that morning and did not recognize the myself, I realized that the reflection was of those who influenced me. Pretty much, I was living life for everyone around me and not living it for myself. At the young and timid age for which I was, I was too afraid of hurting those that I loved. I had stopped being my true self to reflect the image of what society dictates that a wife and mother should looked like. I had lost all of my creative energy, and my main focus was my 18 month old son and then husband. As a daughter, my main focus was to reflect perfection in my parent’s eyes. As a sister and a friend, my main focus was to be an outstanding woman in all aspects of life. My focus was solely on everyone in my life, and to a fault I neglected myself.
At that moment I walked out of the wireless company and away from my job, I began to take my life back. First, I began to love myself and focus on taking care of me. I reflected on how I got to that place in time where I was taking direction, instead of making my own way. I was too concerned about making everyone happy, too concerned about other’s opinions, and stuck believing that my path to righteousness was that of one paved by pleasing others. That day in 2005, I stop caring and started living the famous line from “Gone With The Wind”…Frankly, My Dear, I Don’t Give a Damn. The moral of this story is to stop giving in to the thoughts, opinions, or what you think are thoughts and opinions of others. Love yourself enough to be courageous enough to live your truth. Walking away from my job in 2005 was the first step to many decisions that have upset those close to me, but fulfilled every one of my needs. I am free, and I continue to live in my freedom. Once you remove one shackle and allow yourself to walk away from your prison(s), you will find yourself removing other shackles and fully removing yourself from imprisonment. Today I am living my life honestly, creatively, and meaningful to me. I love me some me, and you too can love you some you. Stop Giving A Damn!!!